This is it, can you hear me?

On the way home, these thoughts were floating in my head.

It is like seeing the world through different eyes. As if you suddenly open your eyes in to the world that you thought you were already seeing with them closed. We are seeing the world that we don't want to see. The world that terrifies and challenges us. Not the Utopia that we were dreaming of. Now that we have opened our eyes, we have to walk the world and push through the challenges, annoyances, and struggles. You sometimes see people differently. You start to look for there motives that are behind what they do every second of every day. You see the people who are sad just to be sad. To attract attention. To be noticed. It is almost frustrating to see that. Sadly I have felt like that. You are going through the day and you just decide to be sad when there is really nothing to be sad about. You then concentrate on that feeling and amplify it so that it shows. You want other people to see what you are feeling. You sit there and tell yourself, "I just want someone to care." HOW SELFISH ARE WE?! I just want someone to care? We are surrounded by people who care. Whenever I feel like this I just tell myself to shut up and get over it. It has honestly become a comical thing to me, mostly because I have done this many times myself. You are in this mode of sadness that you have created and all you can think about is, "I just want someone to care, I just want someone to ask what's wrong." You keep thinking about that and then someone asks you what is wrong. You freeze and suddenly realize that you don't want the thing you wanted so bad a split second ago. So you close up and become happy again as you answer, "nothing." It's like sticking your hand out praying for someone to grab it and pull you up and when someone actually reaches out to you, you pull your hand back and say never mind...I think I'm okay. It's like we are terrified to show that we are vulnerable, or maybe what it is that we are vulnerable to. I think we do that to God as well. We sit here cursing the heavens, screaming at God asking him, "Why me God?! Why me?! Why?! Suddenly he answers, he reaches down to help us as he says, "I'm here for you." Then we tell him that we actually don't need his help, we got this. Yet again, just so that you guys don't sit there thinking that I do not know what I am talking about, I have done all of this. It's honestly a waste of time and energy. Taking a perfect day and destroying it because you want people who already care, to care. Are we all that emotionally needy? When people aren't talking to us as much as others in a group, does it really mean that they hate us? Does it mean that we are un-liked, nobody cares? No....thats stupid. But I think that we do crave attention, some more than others, but honestly I believe that we all do. In many different ways at least. Some want fame, some want pity, and some just want plain old attention. I think it is hilarious how we can be like that. How God created us with such a desire that we will hurt ourselves, put ourselves down just for people to turn and look. What if instead we do something to make people proud of us. It honestly, and you can try this and see for yourself, feels so much better to hear, "I am proud of you", instead of hearing, "I feel sorry for you". It really does. We can't take pride in something bad that has happened to us but we can take pride in something good that we made happen in the world.