Discovery

It's been awhile....as I always say. So heres a new blog for now.

This one is about faith. Fear of God. Walking with God. Having a daily need for God. Discovering how you were once a christian living in a dead body. This is about the radical turns that my life has taken in the past 6 months.

In high school, particularly the Christian Private school world that I was in, life is like a movie. You walk through it in this Christian bubble. Yes there were drugs, sex, and alcohol where I was but it never surrounded me or tempted me. Summer was the same but then the first week of college kind of changed the game. Within 3 nights of arriving my room was packed with people who were absolutely wasted at 2 o'clock in the morning. Im not gonna lie it was hilarious and incredibly fun getting to watch all of the absent minded people. Weeks later I started struggling, not with my morals but with frustration. I never realized how bad things could be. People are one way during the week and then the weekend you suddenly realize...they are different. Parties like this didn't exist for me in Frisco, it was always have all my friends over for a cookout and flash light tag or a movie or something else that is ridiculous. That kind of fun doesn't seem to exist here and I miss that.

So now I'm in college, surrounded by everything that was outside of my little christian academy bubble and I was terrified, frustrated, confused...but I found something that I hadn't had before. I realized that I was a dead christian. I walked the walk and had some sort of faith but it wasn't true faith where I was constantly relying on God. I had nothing to struggle with so I just kinda left it to myself but now I do have things to struggle with and I take them all to God. Constant communication with God where He effects my every decision and thought. I tell God everything, my fears, my hopes, what's on my mind, how stupid I think a few of my teachers are. He wants to listen so why not say it all? Great relief comes from this, weight off my shoulders, joy enters my life and fills the gap where confusion and emptiness once resided. It's scary actually how much God has changed my life even from where I felt like I was this excellent christian. That quickly flipped as God punched me in the face...not literally of course. So now I actually am hanging on to faith and I love it. My life has never been so incredible and full of joy. I've even started my own bible study in hopes that maybe others can find what I found and feel the way I feel.



And for everyone who knows me through family or some other way that follows my life on facebook via photos and other comments....just call me and ask me how I am...do not approach me when Im at home and say that there is stuff on facebook that shouldn't be there. Do not act suprised when I tell you that I've been studying hard and say, "Oh you do study? Well there are only pictures of you partying on facebook." Do not tell me that I am with the wrong crowd and am falling into a sinful life based on research that you've done via facebook photos. That makes me so angry when people begin to assume and start calling me or making false judgements. I am having fun, I am surrounded by incredible people, I am the same person I was before college just with major improvements on my spiritual life. So now, next time I come home and I see you just say, "Hey I missed you how is college?" If you are worried about me in any way tell me that you are so that I can reassure you that I am doing fine and have not fallen into anything that I shouldn't have. Just pray for me to keep on the path that Christ has laid out for me.



Sorry for the rant but I do not know how to get into touch with these people other than my blog.