I HAVE Changed

In the past year I have lost up to 40 pounds. People tell me that it is impressive for someone as young as me to lose that much weight. Ya to toot my own horn I agree, but if they realized how I felt before I lost all the weight...when I was at my peak 215 pounds. It was actually easy to lose the weight, frustrating, but easy.
When you walk into my room you may notice that above my bathroom doorframe I have a whiteboard with the phrase, "I am going go changed the way people view me, I am going to change the way I view myself." That was exactly where I started. I did not like the way that I felt people viewed me and I hated the way I viewed myself. My two best friends are those two guys with the perfect genes. Athletic and built, so after growing up with them it is only natural to view myself as being like that...but I wasn't. I was a chub tub. It was so frustrating taking off my shirt and seeing my reflection in the pool water or a mirror. God it was so frustrating. I remember how angry I would get, or how low I would fall. Not that I was always angry or sad, it was mostly my alone time where I wasn't around my friends that I felt like that. I had no self esteem at the beginning of my junior year. I was pretty much at rock bottom, and I was somehow still falling. At night I in some way entered my own little depression. I felt a great deal of darkness in the world and this was all over me being such a big guy. I finished off the football season, and yeah I had lost a few pounds but really did not look any different. I was tired of walking through the mall and getting looks from people, those lay off the cookies looks. You say that I probably didn't get them but I did. At school I just felt like the funny chubby kid that everyone likes but just because he's funny yet further than that I was just the chubby kid. It was around December that I began going to a new church. This church changed my life as it taught me to involve God in every aspect of my life. Well, not so much taught as encouraged. Every church teaches that I guess but very few encourage. I began praying for God to help me lose weight and end my frustration. I cannot stress how much frustration I felt. I don't know why but one day I just decided to do this. When we pray for God to do something, like lose weight, he gives us opportunities to do so. I've blogged about this before. Well I decided to make a plan to lose weight. I would eat perfect during the week and then splurge on the weekends. I added more workouts and more protein. My trainer Jason as well as my nutritionist Cliff Sheats played large roles. They are incredibly encouraging. Eventually my friends pointed out that I had lost weight. But it wasn't enough, I did not feel any different when I looked in the mirror. Summer hit and I swam, I swam a lot. I had been told that swimming was the quickest way to weight loss. I believe it now. That summer I went from 195- 174. A 38 waist to a borderline 32. Life became more fun. I walked differently and I felt good. When people looked at me I felt good about it. I myself am a trophy of my success. Look at me, this is what I have accomplished. This is the milestone in my life. My first big thing in life to look back and be proud of. I'm not full of myself I'm just proud. People don't realize how low I had gotten in self-esteem. I mean I was so low. I felt hatred in places where it made no sense. To climb out of such a deep hole is a big climb. I'm at a high point and I plan on staying. If you look at my whiteboard it now says, "I HAVE CHANGED the way people view me, I am going to change the way I view myself."

If you don't believe that I was a chunk before my weight loss just dig up some pictures of me from the past 4 years...you'll be surprised. My friends were. They told me that I was never fat, but when they saw my old pictures they couldn't believe it...neither could I.