To Live and Be Let Down

Of course there are supposed to be disappointments as you go through life. I've heard that many of them happen during high-school... some have also described it as a time of enlightenment or realization. Basically, these realizations can be very frustrating and that is what I am going through right now. My old school Trinity was hard because the kids that I pretty much grew up with were falling right in front of me. 3 of my best friends in my bible study were caught drinking and were kicked out, as well as another one was caught stealing in school. That was in 8th grade. Now in 12th grade things have not seemed to change. People that I looked at for so long and saw them as a model for a christ like life... well not so much. It's not like I don't like them anymore they are all still close friends of mine it is just kind of a shock when someone you've known for awhile flips the lights on and then you can really see. It is an honest let down. You can't really do anything either you are just stuck there watching... as bad as it is to say sometimes I wish I felt the freedom that they had. I find myself envying them however I soon realize that I have an excellent life and I don't want to change anything about it. Such is life.

Like Trees Reach Towards The Sun

We, all of us, are growing towards something. We are all becoming something everyday. We are all becoming someone everyday. I believe that we don't stop growing towards something or becoming someone even after death. Growth is something that happens everyday, even if we feel as though we shrunk on a specific day. I don't just go through situations, I GROW through situations (I'd like to thank the maker of those stupid encouragement posters in school) So also this must apply to life...I don't just GO through life, I GROW through life. It only makes sense right? We can decide what to grow in everyday and we can also let the common flow of life direct us. I wake up and I want to be a better leader that day...what is stopping me? NOTHING! We control our decisions and what we make of everyday. Someone beats you that day...go home and figure out why. Don't dwell on Why Them? Dwell on Why not me?
My pastor once asked everyone in the crowd that Sunday to raise their hand as high as possible...he paused and all our hands like feet of synchronized swimmers went up...now raise them higher he said. Without blinking all of our hands went higher. Look at yourselves he said, I asked you to raise your hands as high as possible and then when asked to raise them higher they went up higher. Wow...I was blown away. How often are we asked to give everything and after doing so we go home realizing we had so much more to give? My pastor gave the perfect example of how we live our lives. We say our hand is as high as it can go but is it really? We say that we have grown into the best we can be but have we really? Nobody is perfect and nobody is expected to be. What does that say about our society? Our best should be DEMANDED, not cautiously asked for. When our best is demanded we should give it. Only then can we truly grow higher through each day. Now I know that my grades don't show me giving my best. I have nearly all A's but nearly isn't good enough. What is keeping me from having all A's? Honestly I am just being lazy. Just getting by with the lowest standard necessary. My senior year however has been entered with a different perspective. I want to get good grades this year and I know that there is nothing holding me back. I come home saying I'm happy with an 85 in Algebra because I'm terrible at math...no I don't want that anymore, today I want a 95 and nothing is keeping from it. So what if I'm bad at math...get better at it. Tutoring, friends, anything to help me with math. I want to see the results of me doing my best. No more asking me I demand myself to give my all. I think I've grown enough but I'm not nearly there. I have so much more to go and nothing is stopping me. My hand is up as high as it can go...is yours?

They Spiked The Water

You know that debate that stills goes on...atleast I think it does. That debate that started in freshman bible class when the teacher asks if we are born with a sinful nature or if we are just born into a sinful nature and gradually circle the drain. Basically if we are born perfect or if we are born sinful. Many people have their opinions and I of course have my own. I believe that people are born into a world filled with evil and are influenced into a sinful nature. I do not believe that we are born sinful though. I believe that we were born with minds like that of Adam and Eve before the fall. We were born without knowledge of good and evil and for about 6 seconds after exiting the womb we are bathed in fire. It sounds like I'm saying humans are horrible and I'm not...the reference of being bathed in fire is that we are hit hard by things in the world. It's like Jack said in Meet the Fockers, "Babies are like sponges Greg, little jack is absorbing every move you make...so don't mess him up Focker." We absorb everything going on in the world as soon as we enter it so it is like being bathed in a fire of information...and that is when our perfect nature starts to become imperfect. Upon exiting the womb we head over to the "Baggage Claim" and get our personalities. Scientists might argue that personalities have to do with a balance of hormones and blahdie blahdie blah. But to keep it simple I see a personality as the traits that the child has been around. The child picks those traits up and portrays them throughout his or her life. So now that we are developing our personality we head out the doors and call a cab to take us home. We start growing fast from that point...walking...talking...eating...school...the whole shabang. We start asking mommy what is the difference between a boy and a girl. What does this do? And my favorite, where do babies come from? At this point our knowledge of good and evil is very vast and we now understand that it is our choice whether to do good or evil. That is where temptation comes into play. The way I fight any kind of temptation is I hang onto the thought that the fruits that I will reap if I resist the temptation will be far greater than that of those if I give in. This blog was a completely random one but it was something that I have been thinking about and I never really knew what I thought of the debate so I figured if I blogged about it then I would come to understand where it is that I stand. This blog is in fact an in-complete thought and maybe sometime I will finish it.

My Stomach in My Throat and My Heart on the Table

Today was just one of those days where you look up towards heaven and just scream "Alright, God...You Broke Me...now what?" I'll start with last night. I got home from my trip to Estes Park Colorado and had subway then went to visit my girlfriend. After that I arrived home only to find that my dog Max was not feeling well. He was shaky and he also vomited a few times. i was up with him until around 3 am. I had a golf tournament this morning that I had to leave my house around 630 for. I awoke to the bright green light of my clock making the figures of 647 and I had 3 missed calls from my dad. Great start...but wait it get's better. I made a protein shake for my tournament and it tasted kinda funny. I finished it and then realized that whoever had washed it last had not washed it well and left a good amount of soap in it. So now I'm tired and I am ready to hurl my guts out. The tournament did not go well and I decided to give up...I'm not proud of it but my dad told me afterwards, "You didn't quit, you just retreated. Sometimes you just gotta know when to retreat." That helped a lot to know that he supported my decision. I got in my truck and removed my golf shoes, i then proceded to look up and say "Alright, God...You broke me...now what?" I got home and heard that my mom had taken max to the vet because he had not improved. I called the vet when I got into my room to check up on him and I got the reply that I did not want, "Andrew I am really worried about Max, He is in bad shape. I will call your mom and explain the situation to her." I broke down, Max is just one of those lights in this somewhat dark world we live in and he is a huge part of my life. I showered then went downstairs. My Mom saw me and told me about Max...I looked at her and said I know then broke down again...I couldn't take it...I need max. To further explain the situation Max had digested a rat that had been exposed to rat poison, and so max was infected. His lungs were full of fluid and he had internal bleeding. We called the company to find out what kind of poison was in it's traps so we could help the Doctors as much as possible. I ended up going to the vet with my mom to talk face to face with the Doctor. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life when the Doctor walked towards us...I broke down again. She however gave my mom and I a ray of hope. She told us he was stable and that he had a possibility of going home tonight. She said that we could go and see him but I knew I couldn't and my mom felt the same so we went and ate. The doctor told us that she would call us after Max had his blood transfusion. It wasn't until around 6 that we got the call and I jumped up and down never feeling so excited before as my mom told me to go pick him up. He was okay...I loved that thought. I drove to pick him up with a smile on my face. I met the doctor and she told me what precautions to take with him. I had to cancel all my plans that night so that I could keep him in the game room as I kept an eye on him. He has a pretty awful cough due to the remaining fluid in his lungs and if his coughing sessions went longer than usual a few times than I was supposed to take him to the animal ER. So now he is sleeping on my bed and doing fine. He coughs and hacks but he is definitely improving. Tomorrow I have to take him in early for another blood transfusion and chest x-ray...from then on he should be getting back to the normal crazy dog he is but it will be a few weeks. If anything I feel blessed that he is still here and terrified of what could have happened today.

Like A Good Book

I am a people watcher yes I admit it...but so are you! We all people watch but some take there people watching more serious than others. I don't I just think it is funny to write about. I enjoy reading people in public places, for example... The pity laugher, The I'm really not happy to see you, The I really want to eat this but can't, and my favorite The I'm checking her out and I don't think anyone knows. People are so funny so why not watch them? I'm going to colorado Thursday and will more than likely spend all my airport free time reading people. I can't wait to laugh at the pity laugher, they are great. That guy that seems so desperate because he is checking out everything that walks by him just gives me the creeps yet I applaud him because he is entertaining. Honestly people really are like a good book.

My Trainer Doing Stand-Up

This is his second time to ever do this...he is also a hardcord redneck.

The deafening Heartbeat

Lately I have been swimming laps in the pool for exercise and I have always found this fascinating. I hope that many of you who read this will see it as amazing as I do. After a few laps your heart is racing...I always go under water and sit for a few seconds to let everything go quiet and then I can hear my heartbeat. It is so loud, like popping your finger under water, but you can almost feel the shock-waves from your chest pounding in the water. Sometimes I'll close my eyes and let myself sink to the bottom...in the seemingly never-ending space of the bottom of my pool I can hear it louder than ever. I can feel it beating through my body and feel it in the water all around me. When I do this it is not like my heartbeat is racing but it is beating harder than usual. Could it possibly be my body reacting to the feeling of being in infinite space? I relate it to being in the middle of a room in pitch black darkness...if you have read my entry about fear then you should understand. It's my body reacting to the silent fear (that being the fear that I subconsciously have) of being under water not being able to see? It feels so cool because you don't feel closed in, you don't feel like you are in a pool. Take the lake this weekend for example, my friend lucas and I were just off of the shore of their lakehouse and we were wading out until we had to swim to stay above water. We then continued to swim to the bottom and come back up just to see how deep it is. It was so terrifically terrifying being under water in the lake because it is pitch black and huge. For a moment (until you reach the bottom) you are floating in space and there is nothing around you. The water itself does not even feel like it is there. Some of you may say that I am taking a simple event like swimming way over the edge and I am in fact weird. That is okay, I'm just telling you what goes on in my head.

Stranded

No this is not a blog about a new reality show that I am creating, it is actually about a situation that everyone has been put in. It is a situation of desperation, extreme danger, and embarrassing reality. If you read my beloved sister Katy's blog, you may see that this particular entry resembles many of hers. This is because it is overly detailed (as in to much information), personally embarrassing, and you make exit the page disgusted...enjoy.
So everyone has been in this situation...There I am, innocently sitting on the pot (toilet) taking care of my bizniz (business), and as I complete what I like to call "Double Overtime" I reach for my good friend Mr. TP. As I reach for Mr. TP I realize that he is absent from my bathroom, all that I can feel is cardboard...this is not a comforting feeling. It's like walking up the stairs to your room in the dark, and thinking that there is one more stair than there actually is your foot falls through the air and there is a short moment of sickly surprise (I'd like to thank the academy). I was terrified, I continued to scan my tiny sanctuary for a spare roll yet my eyes fall upon nothing soft, white, and papery. This next part I am not proud of but I was desperate. I stood up from my throne to check the cabinet for a roll yet that is also empty...to be even more detailed I was actually getting ready to shower so I had no clothes on...sexxxxxxxxy. I knew that my only chance of survival was to proceed down the hall into my sister katy's room...there was word that toilet paper had been sighted there. I planned this out hardcore alright, I knew that my mom was napping with my nephew connor, so they were taken care of and would not see the embarrassing situation that I was in, Ricky was outside, and Elena...could be anywhere. She was the only threat, I had about 15 yards to Katy's room, those 15 yards will be referred to as "No Mans Land". I decided to put on some boxers but I had to walk awkwardly as to keep them you know...clean. I truly am disgusted at how detailed this blog is but it's been inspired by Katy...blame her. Anyway I poke my head out my door, coast was clear and it was go time. It was a left out of my room, up 3 stairs, and a right into the safe haven. I proceeded quickly into No Mans Land and I was terrified. This could potentially have been the most embarrassing moment of my life...but it wasn't because let's face it, I'm just that good. So I make it into Katy's bathroom and do what I need to do. After all was said and done I noticed that she had one of those super magnified mirrors on her wall. I had to investigate. It was so cool, it even had a light around it. This thing was the bees knees ya know, but then I looked into it and It was very revealing as to how scary my face actually looks. Let's just say that I may have nightmares cause this thing is close up and personal.

I sincerely apologize for this blog but it was worth it. I am human and everyone has had that happen to them. I just wrote about it!

Gods Pop Test

You know how people say that God is always testing us. That whenever we pray to God for something he provides us with opportunities instead of just giving us what we asked for. For a better idea I provide the example of me asking God to help me make good decisions during my highschool career, instead of just making good decisions for me God provides me with opportunities to make those good decisions. God answers our prayers, he helps us, and he also rewards us. This idea came to me while I was hiking around a lake and partly up a mountain today in the Grand Tetons National Park. I realized that I wanted to turn back, I was tired and didn't want to go any further. We got to one point where we had a choice to either go to a boat dock and take a boat back or climb further up the mountain and see more of the beauty it has to offer. I decided, "I'm here and I am not missing out on anything." I made it to the first stop, about 2/10 of a mile, at a huge waterfall that was beautiful. I had a choice again to continue steeply uphill another 5/10 of a mile to the last stop on the trail, a place called inspiration point. It was not easy but I got there and it was magnificent. An overlook of a lake and mountains with a seemingly painted sky. It hit me, I could have missed out on all of this if I had decided to go to the boat dock. I feel that God rewards us if we accept challenges that he faces us with. He challenged me with a mountain, or some of a mountain, and I was rewarded with sights that I will never forget. I am going to do my best to apply this to my life, that maybe the challenges in front of us are just Gods way of answering our prayers and testing us. Well todays test was worth it, and I believe tomorrows will be too.

Sodas, Elephants, and Colors....What are We Thinking?

Okay this is an incredibly broad subject to write about so if I go off on any tangents, which I plan to, I hope that you enjoy them. The other night I was standing in line for the cash register at my local blockbuster at the corner of Legacy and Lebanon...it's my usual spot. Getting bored I proceeded to people watch. (You know you do this as well) There was a little girl begging her mom for a soda from the new cafe area at the blockbuster. I kinda did one of those corny laughs when she got denied by her mom, you know that laugh that says I've been there. She returned the soda to it's original location in the fridge and started walking around trying to entertain herself. At that moment I wondered what it was that she was thinking. That led to the thought of what do people think when they are not thinking. (Now thats deep) We have all wondered this occasionally, especially when some smart butt comes up to you and tells you to think about anything except for elephants. No matter how hard you try elephants are glued into your mind until you laugh at the joke. I hate that joke but its clever. But what is it that we think when we are not thinking? Well I guess that we are always thinking just sometimes unintentionally. Now take a minute and try not to think...........stop trying it is impossible and you will drive yourself crazy. We dream when we sleep, we phase out during class, and we think about the meaning of life...the point is we are always thinking. At this very moment I am thinking about what I am going to type, that thought is turned into an action as my brain sends signals to my fingers and eyes as I type the letters on my keypad. That sentence was pre-meditated as I drove down legacy on my way home from blockbuster. It is fascinating really, I mean back during the Roman times people were known and honored for just thinking. Crap they were called the great thinkers. I get bored when I just sit and think...and all they did was think. The word think is being heavily overused in this blog and I apologize but it is necessary when writing about thinking itself. Even now as I type I am realizing how pointless of a blog this is. To write about thinking is to write about...well I don't know but it is such a broad subject yet so fascinating that I love it. How does the disgusting, gooey, nasty, freaky think inside our skull do this? Think that is. To all Darwinists and Evolutionists...explain that to me. I know that doctors have some idea of why we have dreams and how they are created yadayadayada and I will more than likely google it in the next few minutes and be humored for hours as I learn all about the human psyche and how our brains work. Or I will simply roll over and go to bed, but the time for that decision will come and it is not now. Im gonna sound like a total loony right here but I have decided that I am okay with that, your opinion is your own and I will not argue with it. Sometimes I try to think things into reality, in an imaginative sort though. I close my eyes, and please tell me you see colors too, and I try to imagine red, green, blue, yellow, whatever colors there are. Most of the time the color that I think will show up in my view as my eyes are rolled up in my head. It is so awesome, hmph but I am not weird or anything I am curious. (Famous last words) So please let this blog encourage you to think about what it is that you are thinking when you are not really thinking while you annoy yourself endlessly with this never ending thought. But first wrap your head around that sentence and try to understand it because I think I lost myself after using the word think...good luck.

Challenging the Challenge

There is a road that we all follow, a road that stares us down and challenges us every day. No Wendy it is not the yellow brick road, it is not Dallas PKWY, it is the road that God has laid down for us to follow that leads us to him. Eventually most of us will lose hope that it is actually possible to make it through all the temptations alive. Fortunately there is hope, and it is everywhere. I have found it in the form of Patrick, Katy, and Erin a.k.a. my brother and sisters. I watch them everyday and realize that if they can make it then I can make it. They encourage me, the example they have set for me to follow. I am so proud to have them as family. (They are very lucky to have me as a brother) They give me a reason to fight temptation and to challenge the challenge that faces all of us. I want to be like all 3 of them. I've seen the adults that they have all become (Erin is still immature) and there is nothing about any of them that I want to change. I have 1 more year until college and I have been told by many grown ups that college is the year that all good kids break out and go crazy. I don't want to be that kid, I want to hold strong convictions like Patrick, be creative like Katy, be hilarious like Erin, and be as great as all 3 of them. I find encouragement in everything they have become and find hope that it is actually possible to follow the road that God has set down before us.

I love you Erin Katy and Patrick!

Imperfections in our reflections

What is the first thing, I'm talking first thing that you think of when you see yourself in the mirror? More than likely you think of what it is that you don't like about yourself. I do this all the time and I realized it just the other day. Its honestly horrible the way we think of ourselves. I look in the mirror and think, "Agh crunches, I NEED CRUNCHES! Must loose bellyfat!" Atleast I used to do that. Lately I have been thinking of the good things I see in my reflection. The weight I've lost and the sexiness that I have gained for instance (WInk Wink) Ever since I started thinking positively about my reflection I have seen myself and been proud. I have gained so much more self esteem and am so much happier with where I am in my life. Honestly everyone should try it. Who knows, maybe seeing perfection in you're reflection will bring world peace!


I actually posted this a few days ago but then realized that I posted it on the wrong blog, that of which you (The Public) have not seen....so sorry for the delay in posts, my noggin is getting a little old on me. Doesn't create ideas like it used to ya know.

I See It Shining With My Eyes Closed

A lot of highs chool, especially after sophomore year is talk and planning for your future. You hear the word future many times actually and you learn to loathe the word. Everyone asks you about the college that you plan to attend and the job you wish to attain after college. I sit and watch others around me freaking out about their futures, acting as if college graduation is tomorrow. It is not necessarily a bad thing but I feel like I am a laid back person and it can get to me when people freak out about things that are so far away. I ache for those people and only wish that there is something that I can do to change their perspective. The only thing that ever comes to mind is something my pastor told our church. My pastor told me to have faith in the little things and that is exactly what I am trying to do, everyday of my life. I always see people looking at the big things first and freaking out about them. It is like a puzzle I guess. Some people pick random pieces and attempt to put them together unsystematically. The smart people arrange the puzzles according to color and then begin to build the border of edge pieces around the puzzle and continue to systematically put the puzzle together. People need to have faith in the little things and calmly build their lives. The big picture has an uncanny ability to panic people so sometimes, actually most of the time it is best to approach the big picture in small bits as you build towards your ultimate goal. We need to be excited about our future. If we go through a life of panic and anxiety about our future then panic and anxiety will become the only familiarity that we have of our future. We will not embrace it, we will panic and likely never feel as though we are finished building our future. We have our lives, I am breathing, and until I stop I plan to live my life. I do not plan on panicking about my future, that is a waste of time and energy. We have been blessed with a short precious period of time on earth to serve God and I hope that I can look back on my life thinking wow that was fun. As for now I keep on walking towards my seemingly bright and glowing future.

This is it, can you hear me?

On the way home, these thoughts were floating in my head.

It is like seeing the world through different eyes. As if you suddenly open your eyes in to the world that you thought you were already seeing with them closed. We are seeing the world that we don't want to see. The world that terrifies and challenges us. Not the Utopia that we were dreaming of. Now that we have opened our eyes, we have to walk the world and push through the challenges, annoyances, and struggles. You sometimes see people differently. You start to look for there motives that are behind what they do every second of every day. You see the people who are sad just to be sad. To attract attention. To be noticed. It is almost frustrating to see that. Sadly I have felt like that. You are going through the day and you just decide to be sad when there is really nothing to be sad about. You then concentrate on that feeling and amplify it so that it shows. You want other people to see what you are feeling. You sit there and tell yourself, "I just want someone to care." HOW SELFISH ARE WE?! I just want someone to care? We are surrounded by people who care. Whenever I feel like this I just tell myself to shut up and get over it. It has honestly become a comical thing to me, mostly because I have done this many times myself. You are in this mode of sadness that you have created and all you can think about is, "I just want someone to care, I just want someone to ask what's wrong." You keep thinking about that and then someone asks you what is wrong. You freeze and suddenly realize that you don't want the thing you wanted so bad a split second ago. So you close up and become happy again as you answer, "nothing." It's like sticking your hand out praying for someone to grab it and pull you up and when someone actually reaches out to you, you pull your hand back and say never mind...I think I'm okay. It's like we are terrified to show that we are vulnerable, or maybe what it is that we are vulnerable to. I think we do that to God as well. We sit here cursing the heavens, screaming at God asking him, "Why me God?! Why me?! Why?! Suddenly he answers, he reaches down to help us as he says, "I'm here for you." Then we tell him that we actually don't need his help, we got this. Yet again, just so that you guys don't sit there thinking that I do not know what I am talking about, I have done all of this. It's honestly a waste of time and energy. Taking a perfect day and destroying it because you want people who already care, to care. Are we all that emotionally needy? When people aren't talking to us as much as others in a group, does it really mean that they hate us? Does it mean that we are un-liked, nobody cares? No....thats stupid. But I think that we do crave attention, some more than others, but honestly I believe that we all do. In many different ways at least. Some want fame, some want pity, and some just want plain old attention. I think it is hilarious how we can be like that. How God created us with such a desire that we will hurt ourselves, put ourselves down just for people to turn and look. What if instead we do something to make people proud of us. It honestly, and you can try this and see for yourself, feels so much better to hear, "I am proud of you", instead of hearing, "I feel sorry for you". It really does. We can't take pride in something bad that has happened to us but we can take pride in something good that we made happen in the world.

Back to School

I hate it...I mean break was great, right up until the point that it ended. School though, ugh, it felt so great to be out of it. School is a necessary evil I supose.

Don't take life to seriously

you'll never make it through alive.